10 MORE Great Ways to Love Yourself

Last February I wrote about Loving Yourself and it was so popular I decided to add 10 more ways to love yourself this year….

Gifts that Say I Love You to Yourself

1. Rest. My Vipassana meditation teacher from Burma says (in his Burmese accent): “Take Rest, Take Rest, Take Rest.” Whether it be sleep or a 2 minute break, rest is a gift to yourself so…Take it!

2. Self-compassion. Are you harder on yourself than you are on everybody else? Stop beating yourself up. Treat yourself with the same kindness, care, and support that you would offer to another person that you care about.

3. Schedule fun. Make a list of 20 things you think are fun. Then put them into your calendar and make your fun just as important (or even more important!) as all your other appointments.

4. Make a list and check it twice. Sit down and don’t get up until you’ve listed 10 things you love about yourself. If it’s very easy, then make it 20.

5. Let learning be enough. Forgive yourself for past mistakes or errors in judgment. Hindsight truly is 20/20 so take the lessons away from past mistakes and they will help you move forward. Self-forgiveness is the antidote to guilt, self-blame and self-criticism.

6. Stand up for yourself. Know that your needs and opinions matter. Be confident in asserting yourself and letting others know what is important to you. You’re worth it!

7. Practice being truly present. Learning how to be mindful adds more pleasure and meaning to life. Plus it reduces stress and anxiety. This is a continual practice. You don’t ever have to become an expert – you just need to keep practicing. Start with the intention to “be here now”… and practice.

8. Hang out with the best. Consciously choose to spend your precious time with people who lift you up, who treat you well, respect you, and accept you just the way you are.

9. Embrace this 4-letter word. H-E-L-P. Why do we think we are supposed to do everything on our own? Who made that rule? Asking for help is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Help is what makes the world go around, and makes us feel connected. It is a gift knowing you don’t have to do it all alone.

10. Celebrate your successes. Acknowledge yourself for all accomplishments big and small. Writing them down in a success journal helps your brain to remember them and builds confidence. Read over your list regularly and see the proof in writing of how truly capable and amazing you are.

The 4 Minute Raisin

You’ve heard of mindfulness and research is clear that mindfulness helps reduce anxiety. But HOW can you be mindful?

Here is one simple way to experience and practice mindfulness: Eat one raisin…mindfully. Take 4 minutes to pick up, look at, eat, taste and mindfully experience that raisin.

Sound impossible or silly? Give it a try and get a taste of mindfulness – pun intended 😆 

Your Free Well-Being Toolkit

The Center For Healthy Minds in Madison, Wisconsin is a treasure with a national reputation.  The Center was founded by world renowned researcher  Dr. Richard J. Davidson.  We are blessed to have this leading edge research and resource in our local community. 

Their mission:  Cultivate well-being and relieve suffering through a scientific understanding of the mind.

Check out their many free online tools and meditations

Do A Cost-Benefit Analysis

Many of the holistic anxiety-reduction techniques that I recommend are really pretty easy to learn and easy to do. But people often tell me they don’t have the time for it. Time becomes the barrier. I get that. We are living in a “crazy busy” time and we all have plenty to do.

Time is a cost, just as money is a cost. Even the time we spend earning money is a cost.

If you can layout both the costs and benefits of taking action (and then see how the benefits outweigh the costs), then you will be motivated to prioritize time and tasks differently. For example, I have one client who chose to make time for Mindful Belly Breathing Meditation – 2 times a day for 15 minutes each as I had recommended. That 30 minutes per day was a big cost. Today, she’s receiving so much benefit from it that she asked if it is OK to do it 3 times a day!

Comparing your costs to the benefits might be the motivation you need to take positive action… and start reaping the benefits.

Dalai Lama’s Prescription for Anxiety

I want to share with you what I am learning right now from the Dalai Lama.

anxiety treatment of Dalai Lama - Mental Immunity via CBT wtih Di Philippi

 

I love neuroscience and I often talk about the human brain. It’s so fascinating how our brains generate anxiety, and I teach many neuroscience-based techniques for eliminating anxiety.

Neuroscience is a very new discipline (since about the 1990’s), growing exponentially along with technology advances.

So it was quite ironic to me to discover the very non-scientific and very ancient perspective of the Dalai Lama (in “The Book of Joy” by the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu of South Africa.)

 

Prevent Suffering from Anxiety

According to the Dalai Lama: “[Just] as a healthy immune system and healthy constitution protects your body again potentially hazardous viruses and bacteria, mental immunity creates a healthy disposition of the mind so that it will be less susceptible to negative thoughts and feelings.”

Our own negative thoughts and feelings are what cause our suffering.

The Sanskrit word for these negative thoughts and feelings in the Buddha’s time was “Dukkha,” which can be translated as “stress” or “anxiety.” Buddha identified Dukkha as the core of much of our unnecessary suffering.

On the flip side of that, when people call me to inquire about anxiety treatment, what do you think is the one thing they consistently tell me they want (besides getting rid of anxiety)? Happiness. The Sanskrit word for this is “Sukha.”

How to find Sukha and eliminate and even prevent Dukkha? The Dalai Lama says mental immunity is the answer:

Developing Mental Immunity

1. Meditation.  As a Buddhist monk, one of the main ways the Dalai Lama builds mental immunity is through his daily meditation practice.

The Dalai Lama meditates for 5 hours a day! But you don’t have to! There are hundreds of different types of meditation so you can find a technique that works for you. Here’s an easy way to start with 3 minutes a day: Metta Meditation.

Meditation is proven by both monks and neuroscience research as a way to calm the mind and effectively reduce anxiety. But mental immunity can be built in other ways as well.

 

2. Mindfulness can be a meditation technique but it is also so much more. It is a way of being. It is a way of doing anything at all, in a mindful way, which is achieved mentally by training your brain to remain present and focused in the present moment.

Anxiety is most often about the future – even if it is the future just 5 minutes from now. Five seconds from now, or 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 years, are all in the future.

Developing your mental ability for mindfulness helps you stay in this moment of now, which reduces anxiety.

 

3. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps you develop mental immunity by literally training the neural pathways in your brain to actually think differently. What is CBT?  Click HERE to find out. It works to create mental immunity by changing the way your brain thinks and responds to anxiety-provoking situations. Click HERE to learn more about how it works for anxiety.

CBT also helps you eliminate “stinking thinking”/”anxiety thinking” which also creates mental immunity.

The Dalai Lama on the need for mental immunity:

 

Stop Watching The News

I see a correlation between worry and watching the news on TV. I stopped watching the evening news years ago. The only news show I watch is CBS Sunday Morning. It focuses on positive, uplifting and interesting news features, while spending a very short time noting top news from the week.

The evening news is the worst to watch. The mostly negative and fear-based news increases anxiety (and adrenaline and cortisol production!) at the time when you really need your brain and body to calm down for bedtime.

If you are a worrier who worries about current events and associated negative “what if” thoughts, then you have even more reason to stop watching the news.

L-Theanine

L-Theanine is an amino acid which can provide relief of the tension and stress, and improve mood. It is also shown to promote alpha brain wave production – alpha brain waves are a sign of relaxed activity in your brain.

L-Theanine can be found in black, green, and white teas, and also is available in higher doses in supplement form.

Acupuncture for Anxiety

Chinese medicine and acupuncturists view anxiety as an imbalance in your organ system called “Shan You Si” meaning “anxiety and preoccupation.” This is believed to affect your main organs: Heart, Lung, Spleen, Liver and Kidneys. Each of these organs is related to different aspects of your emotions and different energy flows within the body.

Acupuncture restores the energy and functioning of those organ systems to restore balance to your emotional state and reduce anxiety. Most people experience deep relaxation during the acupuncture treatment itself, and after a series of treatments acupuncture can contribute to lower anxiety levels.

Toe Tensing for Insomnia

Anxiety or tension keep you awake at night? You can draw the tension out of your body with the technique to alternately tense and relax your toes:

• Close your eyes and lay on your back.
• Bring your awareness to your toes.
• With as much tension as you can, pull all 10 toes back toward your face. Hold for a slow count of 10.
• Relax your toes.
• Count to 10 slowly.
• Repeat 10 times.

Anxiety: Addressing Root Cause (not just symptoms)

Anxiety produces a lot of very distressing “symptoms.”

These include (but are not limited to):

 Headache
 Nausea
 Diarrhea
 Lightheadedness or dizziness
 Heart palpitations
 Breathing difficulty
 Chest pain
 Numbing & tingling (especially arms and legs)
 Sweating
 Chills or flush (hot flash)
 Trembling
 Choking
 Insomnia

So, of course you want to get rid of those symptoms. But you have a choice:

A) You could get rid of the symptoms ONLY for now; or

B) You could get rid of the actual source of the problem, preventing both current AND future symptoms.

A) The Symptom Approach

Doctors tend to ask about symptoms. They have a precious few minutes to assess your symptoms and diagnose your problem.

Often they don’t ask:

• WHY do you think you are having those symptoms?
• What was going on in your life when they started?
• What’s going on in your life now?
• What are you thinking about when you have those symptoms?
• How are you feeling emotionally when you have those symptoms?
• How is your job?
• How are you relationships?
• How is your financial situation?
• How happy and satisfied are you with your life?
• What makes you happy? What makes you unhappy? What’s missing?
• What are your coping strategies?
• What stressful events are you facing at this time?
• What chronic stressful events have you been dealing with over the past 2 years?
• What support do you have (or not have) to help you work through current challenges?

I think they are missing out on finding the root causes of anxiety.

Actually, I’m not sure they are even looking for the root cause.

The primary tool they have to offer for anxiety is medication. Medication works at the level it is designed to work: at the symptom level – to give you some symptomatic relief.

Medication is NOT designed to resolve the root cause of anxiety.

That’s why people are told they have to be on medication forever. Anxiety medication does not prevent anxiety from coming back again….and again. So if that’s the only tool you’ve got, and then you stop taking it, your anxiety will likely come back. Thus, the dependence on it.

Have we lost sight of the real goal?

B) The Root Cause Approach

In my practice, the real goal is to put an end to the root cause of the problem.

Finally getting at the root cause of your anxiety automatically eliminates symptoms… and prevents them from coming back again and again.

 The latest and greatest neuroscience research is clear: The thoughts (neural pathways) and automatic responses (think fight-or-flight) in your brain are the root cause of anxiety.

Therefore, to resolve the root cause of anxiety you must: a) become aware of your thoughts and responses that create anxiety; and b) learn how to retrain your brain to think and respond differently.

Thus, it is no surprise that there are alternatives to medication which are proven by research to be equally or more effective than medication (with longer lasting results).

These have nothing to do with chemical imbalance. Instead, the most effective anxiety treatment addresses the root cause of anxiety thinking and anxiety responses in the brain.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is the gold standard treatment for anxiety and panic attacks.

Skills Not Pills

Being free of pills for anxiety is very possible. I see it in my private practice every day. I have many clients who avoid having to start anxiety medication, as well as many who are able to taper off anxiety medication.

With Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), my clients learn exactly how to regain control of worry, negative thinking, fear, panic, and the monkey mind of anxiety.

I empower my clients with holistic skills, tools, coping strategies, and natural drug-free methods for eliminating panic attacks, reducing anxiety and improving sleep.

When they learn the tools to both address symptoms and resolve the root cause of the problem, then they find they don’t need medication.

Disclaimer: The topic of prescription medication can be a challenging one for many people. I encourage you to take responsibility for being fully informed and confident making the right healthcare choice for yourself. This article is not medical advice and does not replace consultation with a qualified healthcare professional of your choosing. Never stop medication without such consultation.