How Anxiety Can Help You

anxiety-magnifying-glass-istock_000013887814xsmallAnxiety is not all bad. Everyone who comes to see me for anxiety treatment hates their anxiety (and yes, it is a problem)… however, at the same time anxiety can pop up in your life to help you.

Anxiety is a Messenger Telling You Something is Wrong.

We tend to think that anxiety itself IS the problem. But anxiety can actually alert you to the fact that there is something else important in your life that is going wrong and needs to be addressed.

Anxiety as a Coping Mechanism

You hear a lot about managing anxiety and developing coping strategies. In fact, my holistic anxiety treatment does include many tools, techniques, and coping strategies.

But ironically, anxiety itself can BE a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one!) to avoid other difficult things. Your mind sometimes creates distracting anxiety symptoms or panic attacks as a shield from other sources of pain or hurt.

Rather than face the reality that you’re not really happy with your life, or that your marriage is miserable, or that your career is going nowhere… anxiety can pop up to cover up the real distress.

It gives you another problem to focus on. In this way, anxiety can be a coping mechanism to shelter you from the pain of other underlying problems.

The problem is that as long as the underlying problems still exist, then anxiety still exists as well.

Helping You See Other Things

Anxiety symptoms frequently seem to come out of nowhere. This can happen because we don’t realize that we are avoiding dealing with difficult situations in our lives.

My mom had the first panic attack of her life while she was undergoing cancer treatment. I think it happened because she wasn’t dealing with a lot of scary feelings about cancer and fear of dying.

Time and time again I see clients’ anxiety symptoms begin to disappear as soon as they begin to deal consciously with previously hidden stressors and problems. Research supports this.

Dealing with those things that you would rather avoid lowers anxiety and also causes real physical changes such as:

• lower heart rate
• lower blood pressure
• less stress hormones in the bloodstream
• less headaches
• less digestive problems
• less muscle tension

Anxiety as Symptom Instead of Diagnosis

Our traditional medical system has created a lot of clinical diagnoses, medications, and therapies for anxiety. This makes us think that the anxiety itself is the problem.

Of course, anxiety does present problems (like fear, sleep problems, worry, rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, sweating, etc.). But once we can reduce those symptoms with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we can discover what else is really going on.

Young woman with hands on eyes sitting depressed in car

• A bad relationship
• A job you hate
• Low self-esteem
• Lack of purpose
• Feeling like an inadequate parent or wife or person
• Living with a chronic illness
• Realizing you are getting older and will die one day
• Loss of a loved one
• Being hurt or betrayed
• Negative self-image
• Feeling like a failure
• Old pain or hurt that was never dealt with

In healing those things, you can start to see that anxiety was just a symptom of something deeper.

When you deal with the underlying problems, the anxiety symptoms can simply disappear.

There is No Such Thing as Stress

neural-pathways-istock_000006935562xsmallApril is Stress Awareness Month. You might think I would be a big fan of promoting that since stress and anxiety are my specialty in my counseling practice. But instead, I’m going to say something radical…

There is no such thing as stress.


When you think about it: What exactly is stress? Even the experts don’t agree. It is such a generic term that it could mean just about anything.

Therefore, “stress” means just about nothing.

Stress is even difficult for scientists to define because it is a highly subjective phenomenon that differs for everyone. Things that are stressful for some people are not stressful for others.

We also have different physical, mental, and emotional responses to stress. (See my list of 50 Signs of Stress and Anxiety that May Surprise You)

Stress is Fear

When you say “I’m so stressed”, you are giving away your own power to be relaxed and happy and in control of your life. It’s like being a victim of other people or circumstances…you’re giving those external things the power to “make you” so stressed.

What if you could equate the word stress with the word fear?

Then you could take your power back by figuring out what is causing fear. And then you can learn how to change your fear reaction. You do not have to simply live with the fear or the “stress.”

The MindWhat Are You Afraid Of?

Some common fears that we disguise as “stress”:

• Fear of not getting it all done (with an assumption that you should)
• Fear of not being a good enough person, mom, employee, partner, child, etc.
• Fear of what others will think of you
• Fear that everyone else is faster, smarter, or better
• Fear of not being perfect, or doing things perfectly
• Fear of being late, or missing out
• Fear of not being in control
• Fear of being criticized
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of sitting still and being with yourself and your thoughts
• Fear of displeasing others
• Fear of not being liked
• Fear of people being mad at you
• Fear of uncertainty
• Fear of “something bad” happening (what if this or what if that…)

Stress is a fear reaction to life, and life’s constant changes and demands.

Stress is fear that comes up whenever there is a gap between what you need or want to do, and what you feel you’re able to do.

Fear Starts with a Thought – And Thoughts Can Be Changed

If you let stress be so generic and feel like you have no control over it, you can end up using it as an excuse to not take responsibility for your feelings, actions, reactions, and choices. It’s too easy to blame stress on someone or something else.

You’ll feel a lot more happy and relaxed when you take responsibility for the stress-producing thoughts, feelings and reactions. To do this, you need to identify the fear thoughts underneath your stress, and then learn to change those thoughts. That’s what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about.



Maybe you’re stressed after a “crazy busy” weekend of running around taking the kids to all their activities.

• Maybe you think you have no other choice.

Young woman with hands on eyes sitting depressed in car

• Maybe you think you have to do it all or else you won’t be a good mom.

• Maybe you think it would be a negative thing to ask for help.

• Maybe you worry about what the other parents would think if you skipped some of the activities.

• Maybe you’re afraid of looking like a bad parent.

• Maybe you think you have to do it because your husband expects you to be able to do it all.

• Maybe you think a good mom always puts her kids first no matter what.

Those are examples of fear thoughts that lead to feeling stressed. Your thoughts may be different. Everyone has their own stress-producing fear thoughts.

The Simple Rule

1. Good feelings come from good thoughts.
2. Stressful feelings come from stressful/fearful thoughts.

Thoughts always come first and lead to feelings. This is great news because it means you can stop feeling out of control. You can take charge of how you feel by learning to change your thoughts. You don’t have to give away your power to whatever is “stressing you out.”


Seasonal Depression

What’s Most Effective for Seasonal Depression?

It’s January 2016… In Milwaukee that means an average of 14.5 hours of darkness per day.  I actually calculated it.

upset-stencilNaturally this is the time of year we see increases in Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) which is brought on by light deprivation. 

People who do not usually experience depression at all may get SAD during the darker months.  Additionally, those who are already prone to depression can find that depression gets worse in the dark months.

I recommend 2 highly effective, non-medication treatments for seasonal depression: 
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
2. Light Therapy

CBT for Seasonal Depression

Depression symptoms are physical, mental and emotional. 

While Light Therapy works at the physical level to help your body’s biochemical balance (see more below), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) works the mental and emotional level.

CBT is highly effective for depression because it helps reduce negative thinking, while improving mood, motivation, productivity, focus, and energy.

Research shows CBT is equally effective, or even more effective in the long term than antidepressant medication… with none of the negative side effects that come with medication.

I’ve written a lot about CBT on my blog so I’m going to focus on the Light Therapy in this article.  Check out these articles for more about CBT: 

What Is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)?
Why Does CBT Work (for Anxiety and More)?
Cognitive Behavior Therapy (Change the Way You Think)
#1 Most Effective Anxiety Treatment: CBT

New Research: Light Therapy beats Prozac

Bright light therapy using a special light box is an effective treatment for people whose depression occurs seasonally, or whose depression gets worse in the darker months.

Because my specialty is non-medication treatments for anxiety and depression, I like keeping up on the research in this area and I found a fascinating one…

Participants in a recent study were assigned to one of four groups who got different treatments.  They didn’t know which group they were in and all were treated as if they were getting the “real” treatments. 

Four Different Treatment Groups
1. Light therapy + placebo pill (i.e. a sugar pill)
2. Light therapy + Prozac
3. Placebo light box + placebo pill
4. Placebo light box + Prozac

Check out these results:
• Less depression for those who got Light Therapy than those who got Prozac
• Less depression for those who got Light Therapy than those who got a placebo pill
• Light Therapy was more effective than Prozac
• The placebo medication was actually more effective than Prozac!
• Little to no side effects shown with light therapy
o This compares with 85 side effects of Prozac (as listed on

Why Does Light Therapy Work?

Inquiring minds want to know why, but I just want to know what works! 

Experts can’t say for sure why but research shows light therapy does help.  For Seasonal Affective Disorder, they think it may help correct disturbances in your internal clock which is driven by your body’s circadian rhythms.

Another theory is that light affects neurotransmitters in the brain (such as serotonin) which affects mood for both seasonal and non-seasonal depression.

Do It Yourself Light Therapy

Light therapy boxes have come a long way in recent years.  They are affordable and easy to use. 

lighttherapy-diTreatment involves sitting near the light box for 30-60 minutes daily.  You don’t have to look directly at the light so you can use it while doing other things like eating, reading, or using your phone or computer.

This is the light therapy box I use:
You can find it at

Light therapy can help improve your mood, reduce negative thinking and irritability, and increase energy levels.

Be sure to read the instructions and warnings for the light box you choose.  Light therapy is not recommended for those with mania or bipolar disorder, or those with various eye conditions.

Want to be FREE?

We all want to be FREE…

Free to DO what we want.
Free to BE who we want to be.
Free to be HAPPY living a life we love.

Yet we often feel as if something is stopping us from truly feeling free.

This morning, despite a super busy schedule and a daunting “To Do List,” I chose freedom to take a break and admire the daylillies in my garden. This is one of my joys of summer. Their season is short and each blossom lasts for one short day. So I chose to allow myself to be FREE to enjoy and admire the blossoms of the day – even though my mind said I “should” have been handling all the things in my Inbox, or doing one of the dozens of things on my growing “To Do List.”

FreeGuess what? When you die your Inbox will still be full and you’ll still have a “To Do List.” The time to be FREE is right here and now.

So today I allowed myself the luxury of a few minutes of peace and happiness admiring my lillies – no guilt, no thinking about the Inbox. Just enjoying the moment and smiling.
For me, that felt FREE.

What do you mean by “Free?”

“Free” can be defined (with the help of as: the state of being at liberty rather than in confinement; immunity from external control or interference. I think of being free as having the luxury of choice because when you choose something you feel less confined, more in control.

Here’s how freedom starts:

                              You have to WANT it
                              You have to CHOOSE it
                              You have to ALLOW it

What do you want to be FREE of?

    • Burdens or obligations?
    • Continual worry?
    • Emotional eating or excess weight?
    • Stress or anxiety?
    • Overwhelm?
    • Obsessive thoughts or actions?
    • Depression?
    • Insomnia?
    • Clutter?

Now, what do want instead?

Figuring this out is sometimes half the battle. Clients often have a hard time telling me what it is that they really want. What they think of first are all the things they don’t want. If you didn’t have those things, what would you want instead that would make you feel more free?

Once you know what you want, then you choose it. Sounds simple; actually doing it requires re-learning some of your “old” habits of thinking. Let’s start with how you think of the concept of “choice.” Choice always leads to greater freedom.

Think There are Some Things You Have No Choice Over?

I challenge you to think again, and I know sometimes it’s not easy. The problem comes in when your mind is tricked into believing that you have no choice. No choice about the responsibilities, the diagnosis, worry, anxiety, emotional eating, depression, clutter, etc.

The truth is that you always have a choice, even when it feels like you don’t. Even when you do something you don’t really want to do (like staying up late to finish that cleaning, going to the doctor, or doing that one thing that “needs” to be done), you ARE actually making a choice to do it.

You could always make a choice to NOT do it. It’s just that there would be consequences of making that choice and because of the consequences, you choose to do it. Understanding this leads to a much greater sense of empowerment than feeling like you had no choice in the matter.

Choosing is always more empowering than feeling like you “have to” or that it simply has to be a certain way. Choosing always feels better than living with something because you think you “need to” or “must.”

Re-training Your Mind: Part 1 = Choosing

The key to feeling free is to expand your awareness of your choices, and realize you are constantly making choices that are YOUR choices. Realize that there are many choices which at first may not appear to be options. This requires developing a new skill: re-training your mind to think differently and expand your choices. It takes skill, time and practice to start seeing choices where previously you couldn’t see any.


Let’s say you “have to” pick up your daughter from school immediately due to sudden illness. It really feels like you “must” do this because your child is ill and the school says you “must” take your daughter home immediately. But to do it, you’ll have to leave work in the middle of a very important customer meeting which will probably mean your company loses business from this customer (which is entirely unacceptable to your boss).

trueHonestly, you always have choices:

  • Leave and pick her up?
  • Ask someone else to pick her up?
  • Pay someone to pick her up?
  • Have a taxi pick her up?
  • Have her take the bus home?
  • Wait and pick her up after this meeting?
  • Wait and pick her up at the end of the day?

Can you brainstorm others? Your mind may have immediately discarded some of those choices and judged them as not viable. Realize you actually make split-second evaluations of the consequences of every choice. Some consequences you prefer over others. Then you choose. You don’t “have to” do any one of them. You choose one that you’ll do.

When the choice is yours, I promise you will feel more free no matter which choice you make.

Now you’re in the driver’s seat of your life, instead of letting people or circumstances or old, limited thought patterns dictate your life.

Re-training Your Mind: Part 2 = Allowing

Once your mind learns to generate more choices and to consciously choose, the next skill is ALLOWING the freedom. Like I allowed the luxury of being with the lillies without guilt or worry about what wasn’t getting done, you can re-train your mind to accept your choice. No second-guessing, no analysis-paralysis, no regret, no guilt, no worry. Simply allow your choice to be and to unfold. This re-training takes practice. Accept your choice and enjoy it as much as you can, knowing it came from your power to choose. Stay in the present moment with it as much as you can.
In the allowing is where you can really experience feeling free.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (Change the Way You Think)

Scanning of a human brain by X-rays

The single most powerful thing you can do to reduce anxiety is to change your perspective and train your brain to start assessing situations differently.  When you can look at problems, worries or fears in a different way, you can reduce feelings of anxiety.  Different thoughts lead to different feelings.

But if you could do that on your own, you probably would have done it already.  Changing those habits of thinking (in this case, anxiety thinking) is hard.

cbtthinkingprocess-dreamstime_xs_36181364This is where Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) comes in.  This is one of the main types of anxiety therapy that I practice.  It has been shown in dozens of scientific studies to be probably the most effective treatment for many forms of anxiety

60-80% of people with an anxiety problem who complete a course of CBT will experience a significant reduction in their anxiety.  This is often better than (or at least equal to) the effectiveness of medication.  And CBT has longer-lasting results than medication alone because it gets to the root cause of the problem.  

Does Anxiety Run In Your Family?


anxietywords-dreamstime_xs_44344929Is anxiety in your genes?

Even though researchers have spent years looking for it, they have NOT found any anxiety gene. Yet, we often do see a pattern of anxiety running in a family. Does that mean your anxiety is genetic?

Nature or nurture?

This debate really isn’t a debate at all anymore. These days most researchers have come to believe that nurture actually influences nature in important ways.

If a certain gene is present, it does not guarantee that the gene will be expressed or become active. Even identical twins who share the same DNA do not express all of the same characteristics.

In psychiatry, it is now pretty broadly accepted that less than half of your personality type and temperament, such as being prone to anxiety, is due to genetics (nature). The rest is due to all sorts of other factors based on your life experiences (nurture).

What is Epigenetics?

dna spiral

Epigenetics is the growing field of scientific study which explains how factors in your living situation and life experiences can trump your genetic makeup. Your life circumstances and experiences can even cause modifications to your genes! So changes you make now can actually change your genetics for future generations. Big stuff.

Remember: they haven’t actually identified any anxiety gene. But even if there was such a thing as an anxiety gene, and even if you were born with a genetic propensity toward anxiety… epigenetics tells us that you likely won’t actually develop anxiety unless you have been exposed to something in your life trigger it.

Does Anxiety Run in Your Family?

Did your parents, grandparents or siblings have anxiety? Anxiety is a learned behavior. It is a way of thinking, feeling and reacting. Kids pick up on this automatically and subconsciously. Anxiety can “run in the family” that way.

This is very common.

When one of my clients was a child, her mom constantly worried when she left the house. Mom was excessively cautioning her to “be careful… don’t get hurt…don’t be careless…watch out for this or that…” My client recalls hating that as a child and telling herself she would never be like that. Yet, today as an adult she realizes she has become a worry wart.

Sometimes Anxiety is Not Genetic At All

Regardless of genetic factors, anxiety can develop at any time in response to situational factors and stressful life experiences. Particularly childhood experiences that were stressful, traumatic or chaotic can be predictors of whether kids will have anxiety as adults.

The Good News: You Have Control

Whether anxiety is genetic, or a learned response, or results from difficult life experiences, you are not stuck with it. 

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other holistic, non-medication tools and techniques are highly effective treatments all types of anxiety, worry, and panic attacks.

And that’s true regardless of whether there is a genetic component to it or not! So don’t worry about whether it’s in your genes. And don’t buy into the myth that you are stuck with it because it runs in your family.

The right anxiety treatment can free you from anxiety and maybe even change your genes!

Afraid of Going to the Doctor?

“Can my anxiety and worry really spike my blood pressure when I am having it checked?”

I get this question all the time so if you have wondered about it yourself, you are not alone!

White Coat Syndrome

This is such a common occurrence that there’s a name for the condition. White Coat Syndrome includes many health care anxieties: fear of doctors and doctor’s offices, fear of having blood pressure taken, fear of needles or blood, fear of hospitals, and fear of any preventative/diagnostic testing.

Underlying these fears we often find nervousness or discomfort about painful procedures, fear of the unknown, fear of being vulnerable, discomfort about being naked and/or being touched, or fear of being lectured or made to feel stupid.

Avoidance of doctor appointments or medical procedures is the most common sign of this fear.

Your Thoughts Affect Your Blood Pressure

White Coat Syndrome may be most evident in your blood pressure reading. As many as 20% of Americans suffer from White Coat Syndrome, in which blood pressure surges when taken in the doctor’s office. I work with many clients who take their blood pressure at home and regularly find that it is significantly higher when taken at the doctor’s office.

How can this be?

Your brain and body are hard wired to protect you from danger. Worrying about going to the doctor indeed causes your brain to go on high alert watching for danger. This is part of the “fight or flight” response.

When the brain kicks off that worry, a natural physiological reaction occurs as adrenaline, cortisol and other stress chemicals are released into the body. The presence of excess stress chemicals can cause elevated blood pressure, heart palpitations, sweating, chills or flush, tingling and other real physiological responses.

So, it is very true that worrying about your blood pressure reading can, in fact, cause a higher reading.

Fear of Bad News

Fear in a health care setting is perfectly normal since many of us associate doctors and hospitals with illness and death.

Many people face the double whammy of conflicting emotions regarding health care fears. First, there’s fear of the exam or procedure itself. On the other hand, there’s also fear of the consequences of NOT going in for checkups or NOT having something checked out. Nobody wants to hear bad news from a doctor.

The most common anxiety underlying White Coat Syndrome is the fear of a bad diagnosis. There’s also fear about being given lifestyle restrictions such as changes to eating, drinking, smoking or exercising.

Overcoming White Coat Syndrome

There are many proven methods for relieving health care anxieties. Here are some tips:

  • Name the worry. People often aren’t sure what they’re really anxious about. Identifying the specific worry is the first step to diffusing the power it has over you.
  • Face the worry. Dealing directly with fears and anxieties is what works to let them go. Avoidance only perpetuates the worry.
  • Try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). This form of therapy done one-on-one with a counselor helps you name the worries and face them. CBT has been shown to be very effective is overcoming anxieties. It helps you shift your thoughts and reframe your state of mind to see things more rationally. It also teaches new coping techniques. This can prevent the physiological chain of events that causes higher blood pressure readings in the doctor’s office.
  • Learn new calming techniques. You want tools to relax the central nervous system as you prepare for and attend appointments. I teach my clients techniques such as Mindful Belly Breathing, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and Calm Mind Meditation, all of which are also found on my CD titled “Less Stress Now.”
  • Ask direct questions. Patients can feel more relaxed when they know what to expect. Even if the doctor is in a hurry, you deserve to have all your questions answered so be honest and don’t be intimidated.
  • Take someone with you. You can ask someone to go along and sit with you in the exam room. The presence of a trusted friend or family member can help you stay calmer and think more clearly. They can also be enlisted to help ask questions.
  • Consider seeking a new health care practitioner. If you don’t feel comfortable with your doctor, you might want to find a new provider who creates a more calm and trusting environment. You deserve someone who spends time with you, answers all your questions, and makes you feel like he or she really cares about your well-being.

Is Anxiety A Chemical Imbalance?

“Is anxiety a chemical imbalance?”

“If anxiety is a chemical imbalance, then I need medication to treat it, right?”

I am asked these questions all the time, so let’s take a closer look at this.

What really causes anxiety? That depends on who you ask.

Nature or Nurture?

We know that risk for anxiety is increased if anxiety runs in your family, but scientists have not identified any “anxiety genes.” The correlation could be genetic or it could be environmental, or both. Many children are conditioned to be anxious if they live with anxious adults, or if they live in chaotic, stressful home environments.

Below are three of the main theories about the causes of anxiety. All have been scientifically studied. Nobody knows for sure that one theory is right, or that other theories are wrong.

The “Chemical Imbalance” Theory

This theory says that anxiety is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain and you have to take a pill (likely for the rest of your life) to alter the chemical balance. Much of the scientific research to support this theory is paid for by drug companies, whose existence depends on the Chemical Imbalance Theory. They have trained doctors about it, and trained us through millions or billions of dollars worth of commercials and advertising.

The “Avoidance” Theory

Avoiding the things you fear is what causes anxiety. If you’re afraid of being trapped or closed in, you may avoid things like elevators and airplanes, and make sure you sit near doors or exit routes. When you’re anxious, you are likely avoiding a problem that’s bothering you and you’re not aware of it. The problem will have power over you as long as you keep avoiding it.

The “Thoughts Create Feelings” Theory

The feeling of anxiety is caused by negative thoughts: conscious and particularly sub-conscious. When you feel anxious, it is because you are telling yourself that something bad is going to happen. For example, if you have a fear of going into social situations where you would have to meet new people, you may panic and think “I’m going to make a fool of myself.” Your feeling of fear does not result from the actual social interaction, but from the negative messages you give yourself before, during and after.

Which Theory is Right?

Naturally, supporters of each theory believe they’re right. We can find scientific research to support many different theories.

Some people have a hard time believing anything other than the Chemical Imbalance Theory because it is so widely promoted. And because “my doctor said so.”

But the research also shows there is a “placebo” effect with pills, where many people think they feel better even when they are taking a sugar pill instead of the real medication.

Many neuroscientists no longer believe the Chemical Imbalance Theory. They are researching the neural circuits in the brain instead…and discovering how the neurons in our brain have the amazing ability to change and form new, anxiety-free thoughts.

Toolkits for Different Theories

When you see a doctor, counselor, or other practitioner for anxiety, the tools they have to offer you depend on what theory they believe in.

Chemical Imbalance Theory

–> Solution for anxiety = Take a pill to correct imbalance
–> Toolkit: Prescription medication (indefinitely)

Avoidance Theory

–> Solution for anxiety = Stop running and face the problem/fear
–> Toolkit: Exposure Therapy
                Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
                Mind-Body Techniques

Thoughts Create Feelings Theory

–> Solution for anxiety = Change your brain and the way you think
–> Toolkit: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
                Mind-Body Techniques

I work with lots of people who don’t want to take drugs for the rest of their lives. For some, anxiety medication is fine and provides the symptom relief they want. Others seek a more holistic and preventative approach, as medication does nothing to stop the source of anxiety or prevent it from returning again.

holisticanxietytoolkit-stencilThe Holistic Toolkit

I’m a very practical person. I’m more focused on WHAT WORKS than on any particular theory or figuring out which one is right.

I see a lot of people who have taken medication for anxiety and still have anxiety (that’s why they come to see me!). Many also dislike the negative side effects of drugs, and would prefer a drug-free approach.

And people are overcoming anxiety every day without drugs. It is happening right before my eyes in my office.

I see people take control over anxiety and make lasting changes with a combination of holistic tools that teach people effective ways to manage anxiety symptoms, along with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to change the brain and thinking patterns, addressing the root cause of anxiety.

What Fits for You?

Know that there are different theories. Check in with yourself and see which theory makes sense to you. Be practical…what seems to work for you and what doesn’t? We are each unique. I don’t think that one generic solution fits all. Be open and willing to explore and you might find solutions for your anxiety that you never thought possible!

The Cure for Yo Yo Dieting

Dieting again?Bathroom Scale iStock_000001667800XSmall

Losing the same weight you’ve already lost before?

That’s Yo Yo Dieting. Been there done that.

Why Diets Don’t Work

We do what we do based upon the thoughts we think (conscious and subconscious) and the emotions we feel. Diets focus only on eating behavior, when the underlying thoughts and emotions are what really make or break success.

I don’t like the word “diet” because it usually represents a very temporary behavior. We temporarily change eating behavior until we either reach or abandon a goal.

But Yo Yo Dieting runs deeper than just the behavior. With repeated weight fluctuation over the years (and keeping several sizes of clothes in your closet to accommodate this), you set yourself up for perpetual dissatisfaction with yourself.

Diets don’t work because they focus on the behavior instead of focusing on the root cause of the behavior: your thoughts and emotions.

Your weight is always driven by what you think, believe and feel.

In working through my own history with fluctuating weight, I’ve developed passion and expertise in counseling people who want to get to the root of old patterns with weight/food, and stop sabotaging themselves.

I help people not only achieve and sustain their goal weight, but to feel better about themselves AT ANY WEIGHT. Diets don’t work when you can only be happy if you achieve a certain weight.

Most Common Causes of Yo Yo Dieting

  • Body image

Body image is what you think, believe and feel about yourself and your body. Yo Yo Dieters often think: “If only I lose these __lbs, then I’ll be happy.”

This kind of thinking sets up conditions for self-satisfaction or self-love (i.e. happiness). You need to eliminate the conditions. We all need unconditional self-love.

Love yourself first and the weight will drop off easily and stay off. Why? Your eating behavior will come from healthy, happy thoughts and feelings, leading to EASY healthy, happy eating behaviors! You gain power and the food loses the power it previously had over you.

According to a recent study, women who had counseling to improve their body image lost a higher percent of weight than those who did not see a counselor.

Yo Yo Dieters often tell me, “But I love food, that’s the problem.” Believe it or not, it is possible to love food AND maintain your ideal healthy weight. So if that’s not happening, it’s a sign that there’s another problem. Usually it’s a sign that underlying thoughts, beliefs and feelings (about self and about food) need to be changed.

Imagine loving yourself fully and without judgment or regret
no matter what the scale says. This is hard for many of us.

Put conditions on loving yourself and your weight will be a Yo Yo over time. When you come to love yourself as you are now, the food and the weight lose their emotional attachment. What you eat and what you weigh become choices driven by healthy, happy thoughts and feelings.

  • Comfort eating

Yo Yo Dieting is associated with emotional eating, or comfort eating. This happens when you’re not eating for hunger, or to fulfill physical needs, but to FEEL better. Ask yourself why you need to feel comforted by food?

I’ve heard countless stories of people reaching their goal weight and then gaining it back when they realize (mostly subconsciously) that life isn’t suddenly perfect, and they aren’t suddenly as happy as they thought they would be. This feels bad. Feeling bad and thinking bad go hand-in-hand, and this is a set up for self-sabotaging eating behavior.

Looking in the RefrigeratorThe vicious cycle: bad thinking and feeling lead to “bad eating,” self-sabotaging eating, then feeling bad about what you weigh or how you look (which feels bad), then eating because you subconsciously think food will get rid of that bad feeling, then feeling guilty or bad about what you ate, leading to more feeling bad about yourself and thinking you SHOULD be able to just get this under control but you can’t, maybe there’s something wrong with you, and on and on…

Comfort eating often comes into play because most of us were never taught healthy coping skills for managing stressful/upsetting emotions.

The Cure for Yo Yo Dieting

Changing the underlying thoughts, beliefs and feelings…
that are creating the behaviors…
that are creating undesirable results.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is designed for this. CBT is a particular form of counseling that targets unhelpful thoughts. You learn to take control of negative body image and emotional eating by gaining understanding and control of your thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and the behaviors that follow.

I’ve found CBT is incredibly effective for my clients, in combination with holistic solutions to managing difficult emotions and stressful situations.

“I can’t believe how easy it is now to lose the weight!”

It was a joy to hear one of my clients say this the other day. She knows it’s because she now has her thoughts and feelings (about herself and about food) under control. She’s in charge now.

Travel Anxiety

Stock Photo by Sean Locke

Anxieties about travel are one of the most common problems I deal with.

Just the thought of traveling can bring on symptoms of anxiety, such as heart palpitations, stomach upset or diarrhea, restlessness, shakiness or sweating.

What Triggers Travel Anxiety

You can learn to manage your reactions more effectively when you can identify and recognize your specific triggers. Some common triggers for travel anxiety include:

  • Worry about leaving home/being away from home
  • Fear of the unknown/unfamiliar places
  • Worry about being injured or ill when away from home
  • Fears relating to car travel
  • Fear of not being able to leave once you get somewhere
  • Feeling like things are out of your control
  • Not knowing what to expect
  • Fear you won’t be able to handle unexpected situations that may arise
  • Fears relating to airplane travel
  • Upset about loss of usual routines and schedules
  • Fears about possible bad things that could happen (“what if’s”)
  • Discomfort in closed in places like cars, trains or planes

Getting Over Travel Anxiety

It is very possible to get over the specific fears and worries you may have about travel!

The best long-term solution for this is Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to help you understand your specific triggers and gradually change your response to the triggers.

Through this process, you can also learn numerous body-mind techniques that can help you immediately reduce or eliminate anxiety symptoms if they start to occur.

I have worked with many people who have stopped dreading travel and even starting looking forward to it.

What You Can Do on Your Own

Here are a few tips you can use before, during, and after a trip to help reduce anxiety:

Before Travel…

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It can help to talk about an upcoming trip with friends. Discuss the itinerary ahead of time, especially focusing on things you are looking forward to. This can help prepare you for what to expect, and therefore ease your mind. By the time you arrive, your itinerary will be more familiar, allowing a sense of greater control.

Take your time preparing and packing. It’s important to stay relaxed and not feel rushed. Create a packing list well ahead of time, then check it off as you pack things. If you are worried about leaving home, take extra time to walk through the house before you leave, seeing how things are safe and secure.

Allow extra time as you prepare to leave. Be packed and ready to go well before it’s time to leave the house. Plan to arrive at the airport or train station early. Allow extra time in case of traffic delays. Feeling rushed can lead to feeling out of control which can cause anxiety to spike.

During Travel

Occupy your travel time with relaxation and/or distraction.

Be sure to have readily available plenty of things that help you relax, such as soothing music, relaxation CDs, or a good book. You can practice anxiety-reducing belly breathing anytime, anywhere (see my Ebook for instructions).

Distract yourself with handheld games, crossword puzzles, or by making small talk with others. Ask questions of other people, as listening to their answers can help keep your mind off your own concerns. A nap is a good way to pass travel time if you’re able – bring ear plugs and an eye mask.


Di Philippi - Stress Management in MexicoDon’t rush around during your trip. Trying to do it all can increase anxiety. Always allow plenty of time to fit in activities, allow for travel time between places, and enjoy leisurely meals. Plan for 8 hours of sleep to feel better prepared for each day.

Do your best to focus on one day at a time during the trip… don’t “pre-worry” about the return trip. Make sure you have time to pack for the return, reconfirm travel arrangements, and plan your time so the departure is not rushed.