What’s Up with the Adult Coloring Book Craze?

Mindfulness, Relaxation, and Stress Reduction! Good stuff!

coloringbook-stencilAdult coloring is actually a mindfulness-based activity that is good for quieting a busy mind, calming down, and refocusing.

The repetitive motion of coloring, the limited space of the page, and the small lines/shapes all help your mind to focus on doing one thing at a time – a relief in our multi-tasking world. I love books with patterns, which are especially helpful in creating a locus point around which thoughts can revolve and let go.

It may sound silly, but my clients consistently surprise themselves with how much they enjoy it. Try it!

Part 2: Stopping Crazy Busy

Last month in Part 1: Stopping Crazy Busy, I explained how Crazy Busy really comes from what you are THINKING.  That’s because what you DO is always a result of what you THINK.  Thoughts, conscious and/or subconscious always precede our actions and choices.

So the root cause of being continually Crazy Busy really comes from what you are thinking.

Scanning of a human brain by X-rays

We looked at a few of the most common inaccurate thought patterns that lead to Crazy Busy:

1. Busyness = Importance
2. More is better
3. Less is not good enough
4. Comparing yourself to the Joneses
[Did you miss Part 1: Stopping Crazy Busy?]

More Thoughts that Create Crazy Busy

5.  Doing nothing is a waste of time

In our culture, we have told ourselves that this is true because we are so uncomfortable with Stillness. We don’t know what it’s like to be with our selves.

Can you just stop reading this now for a full 30 seconds and close your eyes and be with yourself while you aren’t doing something?

We have created so many constant distractions that all of us now have brains with a cultural form of ADHD.  Even as I’m writing this I realize I am distracting myself to check my email, my phone, put on lip balm, take a drink of water, scratch a mosquito bite, and get a snack!

The antidote to this form of ADHD is to spend some time doing nothing.  Doing nothing is so valuable to your nervous system, your brain, your psyche, and your emotional state!  But for the most part, we have labelled doing nothing as a waste of time.

6.  THE MOST HARMFUL THOUGHT OF ALL:  I don’t have a choice

It’s easy to get caught up in thinking you “have to” do all of these things that make you so Crazy Busy.  Society makes you think that.  Your family makes you think that. Your kids make you think that. Your neighbor’s (the Joneses!) make you think that.

It is your life, not anyone else’s, and you always have a choice.  You will harm yourself every time you give up your own power with the belief that you don’t have a choice. 

It is your life, not anyone else’s, and YOU always have a choice! 

But YOU get to evaluate every possible choice and decide what YOU really want.  A choice to say YES to everything creates a consequence of Crazy Busy.  Is that what you really want?

As you choose among the bazillion things you could do with your time every single day:

• Don’t live unconsciously doing what you think everyone wants from you. 
• Don’t live unconsciously doing too much thinking you’re not good enough unless you do it all.
• Don’t live unconsciously thinking you cannot make choices to be happier and less chaotic.

Getting Off the Crazy Busy Bus

• (CBT) Cognitive Behavior Therapy

success_failure-signs-istock_000003986459xsmallYour own subconscious thoughts are like blind spots – you just can’t see them accurately. CBT gives you a process and an objective person to help you identify thoughts that actually cause you stress.  And more importantly, CBT is a process to help you train your brain to think differently.  CBT helps you see all of your choices.

 

• Choose carefully

Don’t give away your own power by telling yourself you don’t have a choice. 
Ask yourself what you really want. Make conscious, thoughtful choices which are loving to yourself.

• Single task

It is a myth that the brain likes to multitask. Switching back and forth makes us tired, less efficient and more error-prone. When you do one thing at a time and get rid of distractions, you will actually feel less busy.

• Distinguish between important and urgent

Stephen Covey teaches this principle. Some things are important, and some things are urgent.  Know the difference.

Sleep and self-care are important.

Our phones and instant messaging create the illusion that everything is urgent.

• Believe in yourself

You are good enough. You know enough and you have enough. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone else. You don’t have to say yes to all the things that other people want you to do.

Stopping Crazy Busy

New York City, United States - May 10, 2012: Large group of taxis on 7th Avenue at Times Square in rush hour. Vast number of vehicles hit the streets and avenues of Manhattan every day. Almost half of cars are yellow taxis (well recognized city icon). Taxis are operated by private companies, licensed by the NYC Taxi Commission.

Almost everyone I know complains of being “Crazy Busy.”  These days being Crazy Busy is almost like a status symbol… if you’re not Crazy Busy then something must be wrong.

I’m talking here about chronic Crazy Busy, not the busy that comes and goes because of unusual life circumstances.

With chronic Crazy Busy, I think the real problem is that you don’t think that you have a choice – it’s something that just “is the way it is.”  It feels out of your control which causes continual stress and anxiety.

Really…why are you so Crazy Busy? 

Do external circumstances and other people’s needs or schedules create YOUR Crazy Busy?  Do you have a hard time saying no?  Did you forget that you have choices?

Let’s look at the deeper reasons why we end up so Crazy Busy stressed.

A Doing Problem or A Thinking Problem?

The truth is that what you DO is always a result of what you THINK.  So the root cause of being continually Crazy Busy really comes from what you are thinking. 

Here are some of the inaccurate thinking patterns that keep the Crazy Busy cycle going…

1.  Busyness = Importance

If you’re busy going, going, going and doing lots of things, it can make your day feel more important:  I have important things to do!  Day after day, it can make your life feel more important.  Therefore, it’s easy to get caught up in thinking that in order to be valuable or important, you need to constantly be busy. 

This is a very subconscious thought pattern.  So your first reaction may be:  That’s not me – I don’t think that way.  I invite you to sit quietly and consider it more deeply…is it possible that you subconsciously think that being Crazy Busy doing a lot of things says something about your value?

2.  More is better

In our “super-size it” culture, if something is good then more of it is even better.  Why is DOING MORE actually better? Did you ever stop to think about it?  Could it be possible that doing less might actually be better?

3.  Less is not good enough

Never enough, conceptual words on blackboard

Obviously, this is the cousin of “more is better.”  If you buy into the belief that more is better, then you are stuck with this problem: if you don’t keep doing more and staying Crazy Busy, then you are just not doing good enough. 

Feeling not good enough is one of the downfalls of The Human Condition.  At one time or another, most of us feel we’re just not good enough:  I’m not a good enough parent, wife, husband, employee, friend, or maybe just not a good enough person.  I’m just not enough.

Feeling not good enough is a trick of the mind.  It’s not true. There is no one to judge whether you are good enough except you.  And you are probably your own worst critic.

4.  Comparing yourself to the Joneses

It used to be that comparing yourself to the Joneses meant comparing material possessions. These days the comparison is more about who is more Crazy Busy.

This comparison is really related to the thought of not being good enough above. There is no need to compare yourself or judge yourself.  Your neighbors are probably comparing themselves to you!

And That’s Not All

There are so many thinking problems associated with Crazy Busy, that I can’t cover them all here. 

Check out next month’s newsletter for Part 2 of Stopping Crazy Busy, featuring:

• THE #1 most harmful inaccurate thought

• How to change your inaccurate thoughts about Crazy Busy

• Other practical ways to Get off the Crazy Busy Bus

A-Z Guide to Finding Your Inner Zen

greatideaCheck out M Magazine’s A-Z Guide to Finding Your Inner Zen.

I was one of the experts interviewed by M Magazine (page 48) for this recent article.

Learning to Fall Awake

brainwaves-theta-state-from-a-better-meMindfulness is one of the great antidotes for stress and anxiety. Everyone has heard of Mindfulness by now.

My clients often ask what to do to be more mindful. The ironic answer: It’s not about doing anything – yet, it is about how you do everything.

Two Definitions of Mindfulness

Jon Kabat-Zinn (leader in Mindfulness training and research): Mindfulness is the awareness that arises by paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally. Mindfulness is learning how to fall awake.

Di Philippi: Mindfulness is your mind and your body in the same place, at the same time, doing the same thing.

Being in the Present Momentworrypastpresentfuture-dreamstime_xs_33596555

Both of these definitions of Mindfulness require being in the present moment. Notice that I did not say “doing.” It is about being present in each moment of time. And that’s all there ever is: one moment, one moment, one moment.

This is quite difficult in our society which has become very focused on doing more, being “crazy busy,” and multi-tasking. Both your body and your mind are too busy with all of that. All that doing causes stress and anxiety.

Learn How to Fall Awake

Mindfulness is about learning how to be more awake – meaning more aware and present in the moments of your life.

• Seeing and aware that you are seeing.
• Hearing and aware that you are hearing.
• Watching your child’s soccer game and aware that you are watching your child’s soccer game.

Stay out of the past: Your mind loves to hang out in the past, and it has lots of stories about what happened, who did what, who was right or wrong, who you think you are, what should or should not have happened, why you are the way you are, etc.

The past hold lots of memories, regrets, and pleasures. Your mind loves to focus on the past.

Stay out of the future: Your mind is also obsessed with the future, thinking about things that haven’t happened yet, worrying and analyzing. You cannot BE awake in the present moment when you are running through your To Do List in your head, or worrying about how to get more done.

Autopilot

Most of us live most of the time on Autopilot, unaware of the present moment.

• Have you ever been driving on the freeway and suddenly realize you don’t know where you are or whether you missed your exit?
• Have you ever eaten half a bag of chips without realizing it?
• Have you ever eaten an entire meal without really realizing what you just ate?
• Have you ever walked into a room with no idea why you got up and walked in there?

Your mind is too busy thinking about the past or the future, or too busy doing too many things, to be truly awake to the present moment.

Allowing your mind to continue doing all those things causes stress and anxiety.

Give Yourself a Wake Up Call

Next time you are busying yourself on your phone, call yourself instead:
“Hello Di? Are you here? Are you present? Are you aware?”

Eat One Raisin

Set a timer for 5 minutes and do nothing else but eat one raisin during that 5 minutes. You must make it last for the entire 5 minutes. That is an experience of Mindfulness.

Live Your Life

Mindfulness is not about being a monk, or going away on a retreat to get away from it all. It’s about being present and awake to your life in each moment of now.

How much of your life do you miss by being in the past, in the future, or on Autopilot?

Learn how to fall awake to your life. And watch stress and anxiety fall away.

Walk into a Different Room to Clear Your Mind

doorway-di

 

Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was?  Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses. 

Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what’s known as an Event Boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next.  Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.

Chamomilla for Calming Anxiety and Peaceful Sleep

greatideaThis is a homeopathic (all natural, plant-based supplement) derived from the plant German Chamomile. It promotes comfort and relaxation, while helping with anxiety and general irritability.

Dissolve 5 pellets under your tongue, or add a few pellets to a cup of herbal tea at night to promote a peaceful night’s sleep.

Chamomilla is a great addition to your natural medicine cabinet!

How Anxiety Can Help You

anxiety-magnifying-glass-istock_000013887814xsmallAnxiety is not all bad. Everyone who comes to see me for anxiety treatment hates their anxiety (and yes, it is a problem)… however, at the same time anxiety can pop up in your life to help you.

Anxiety is a Messenger Telling You Something is Wrong.

We tend to think that anxiety itself IS the problem. But anxiety can actually alert you to the fact that there is something else important in your life that is going wrong and needs to be addressed.

Anxiety as a Coping Mechanism

You hear a lot about managing anxiety and developing coping strategies. In fact, my holistic anxiety treatment does include many tools, techniques, and coping strategies.

But ironically, anxiety itself can BE a coping mechanism (albeit an unhealthy one!) to avoid other difficult things. Your mind sometimes creates distracting anxiety symptoms or panic attacks as a shield from other sources of pain or hurt.

Rather than face the reality that you’re not really happy with your life, or that your marriage is miserable, or that your career is going nowhere… anxiety can pop up to cover up the real distress.

It gives you another problem to focus on. In this way, anxiety can be a coping mechanism to shelter you from the pain of other underlying problems.

The problem is that as long as the underlying problems still exist, then anxiety still exists as well.

Helping You See Other Things

Anxiety symptoms frequently seem to come out of nowhere. This can happen because we don’t realize that we are avoiding dealing with difficult situations in our lives.

My mom had the first panic attack of her life while she was undergoing cancer treatment. I think it happened because she wasn’t dealing with a lot of scary feelings about cancer and fear of dying.

Time and time again I see clients’ anxiety symptoms begin to disappear as soon as they begin to deal consciously with previously hidden stressors and problems. Research supports this.

Dealing with those things that you would rather avoid lowers anxiety and also causes real physical changes such as:

• lower heart rate
• lower blood pressure
• less stress hormones in the bloodstream
• less headaches
• less digestive problems
• less muscle tension

Anxiety as Symptom Instead of Diagnosis

Our traditional medical system has created a lot of clinical diagnoses, medications, and therapies for anxiety. This makes us think that the anxiety itself is the problem.

Of course, anxiety does present problems (like fear, sleep problems, worry, rapid heart rate, high blood pressure, sweating, etc.). But once we can reduce those symptoms with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we can discover what else is really going on.

Young woman with hands on eyes sitting depressed in car

• A bad relationship
• A job you hate
• Low self-esteem
• Lack of purpose
• Feeling like an inadequate parent or wife or person
• Living with a chronic illness
• Realizing you are getting older and will die one day
• Loss of a loved one
• Being hurt or betrayed
• Negative self-image
• Feeling like a failure
• Old pain or hurt that was never dealt with

In healing those things, you can start to see that anxiety was just a symptom of something deeper.

When you deal with the underlying problems, the anxiety symptoms can simply disappear.

There is No Such Thing as Stress

neural-pathways-istock_000006935562xsmallApril is Stress Awareness Month. You might think I would be a big fan of promoting that since stress and anxiety are my specialty in my counseling practice. But instead, I’m going to say something radical…

There is no such thing as stress.

What?!?!?

When you think about it: What exactly is stress? Even the experts don’t agree. It is such a generic term that it could mean just about anything.

Therefore, “stress” means just about nothing.

Stress is even difficult for scientists to define because it is a highly subjective phenomenon that differs for everyone. Things that are stressful for some people are not stressful for others.

We also have different physical, mental, and emotional responses to stress. (See my list of 50 Signs of Stress and Anxiety that May Surprise You)

Stress is Fear

When you say “I’m so stressed”, you are giving away your own power to be relaxed and happy and in control of your life. It’s like being a victim of other people or circumstances…you’re giving those external things the power to “make you” so stressed.

What if you could equate the word stress with the word fear?

Then you could take your power back by figuring out what is causing fear. And then you can learn how to change your fear reaction. You do not have to simply live with the fear or the “stress.”

The MindWhat Are You Afraid Of?

Some common fears that we disguise as “stress”:

• Fear of not getting it all done (with an assumption that you should)
• Fear of not being a good enough person, mom, employee, partner, child, etc.
• Fear of what others will think of you
• Fear that everyone else is faster, smarter, or better
• Fear of not being perfect, or doing things perfectly
• Fear of being late, or missing out
• Fear of not being in control
• Fear of being criticized
• Fear of being alone
• Fear of sitting still and being with yourself and your thoughts
• Fear of displeasing others
• Fear of not being liked
• Fear of people being mad at you
• Fear of uncertainty
• Fear of “something bad” happening (what if this or what if that…)

Stress is a fear reaction to life, and life’s constant changes and demands.

Stress is fear that comes up whenever there is a gap between what you need or want to do, and what you feel you’re able to do.

Fear Starts with a Thought – And Thoughts Can Be Changed

If you let stress be so generic and feel like you have no control over it, you can end up using it as an excuse to not take responsibility for your feelings, actions, reactions, and choices. It’s too easy to blame stress on someone or something else.

You’ll feel a lot more happy and relaxed when you take responsibility for the stress-producing thoughts, feelings and reactions. To do this, you need to identify the fear thoughts underneath your stress, and then learn to change those thoughts. That’s what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is all about.

Example:

 

Maybe you’re stressed after a “crazy busy” weekend of running around taking the kids to all their activities.

• Maybe you think you have no other choice.

Young woman with hands on eyes sitting depressed in car

• Maybe you think you have to do it all or else you won’t be a good mom.

• Maybe you think it would be a negative thing to ask for help.

• Maybe you worry about what the other parents would think if you skipped some of the activities.

• Maybe you’re afraid of looking like a bad parent.

• Maybe you think you have to do it because your husband expects you to be able to do it all.

• Maybe you think a good mom always puts her kids first no matter what.

Those are examples of fear thoughts that lead to feeling stressed. Your thoughts may be different. Everyone has their own stress-producing fear thoughts.

The Simple Rule

1. Good feelings come from good thoughts.
2. Stressful feelings come from stressful/fearful thoughts.

Thoughts always come first and lead to feelings. This is great news because it means you can stop feeling out of control. You can take charge of how you feel by learning to change your thoughts. You don’t have to give away your power to whatever is “stressing you out.”

 

50 Signs of Stress and Anxiety that May Surprise You

warningsign_istock_000004940205xsmallAll to often, we are unaware of how our stress is affecting us. Here are 50 signs to help you get a better understanding of how YOUR stress affects not only your health but also your life.

1. Frequent headaches, jaw clenching or pain
2. Gritting, grinding teeth
3. Stuttering or stammering
4. Tremors, trembling of lips, hands
5. Neck ache, back pain, muscle spasms
6. Light headedness, faintness, dizziness
7. Ringing, buzzing or “popping sounds
8. Frequent blushing, sweating
9. Cold or sweaty hands, feet
10. Dry mouth, problems swallowing
11. Frequent colds, infections, herpes sores
12. Rashes, itching, hives, “goose bumps”
13. Unexplained or frequent “allergy” attacks
14. Heartburn, stomach pain, nausea
15. Excess belching, flatulence
16. Constipation, diarrhea
17. Difficulty breathing, sighing
18. Sudden attacks of panic
19. Chest pain, palpitations
20. Frequent urination
21. Poor sexual desire or performance
22. Excess anxiety, worry, guilt, nervousness
23. Increased anger, frustration, hostility
24. Depression, frequent or wild mood swings
25. Increased or decreased appetite
26. Insomnia, nightmares, disturbing dreams
27. Difficulty concentrating, racing thoughts
28. Trouble learning new information
29. Forgetfulness, disorganization, confusion
30. Difficulty in making decisions
31. Feeling overloaded or overwhelmed
32. Frequent crying spells or suicidal thoughts
33. Feelings of loneliness or worthlessness
34. Little interest in appearance, punctuality
35. Nervous habits, fidgeting, feet tapping
36. Increased frustration, irritability, edginess
37. Overreaction to petty annoyances
38. Increased number of minor accidents
39. Obsessive or compulsive behavior
40. Reduced work efficiency or productivity
41. Lies or excuses to cover up poor work
42. Rapid or mumbled speech
43. Excessive defensiveness or suspiciousness
44. Problems in communication, sharing
45. Social withdrawal and isolation
46. Constant tiredness, weakness, fatigue
47. Frequent use of over-the-counter drugs
48. Weight gain or loss without diet
49. Increased smoking, alcohol or drug use
50. Excessive gambling or impulse buying
(Source: stresstop.com)

Learn more about stress here!